a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
