Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
