you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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