you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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