i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
