It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
