ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
