My room smells like vodka and shame
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
