After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize