In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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