Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
