Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
