his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
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