JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
