when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
