When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
