We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
