i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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