Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
