You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
