get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
