Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
