How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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