I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
