I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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