1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
