i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
