Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
