I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize