you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No subtext here. People are naked.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i've created a new STD.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
