yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
