Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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