Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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