I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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