I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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