I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
