Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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