I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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