I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
