Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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