and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
