I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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