Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
