I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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