Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
