The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
