I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i barfeds in our rink
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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