Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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