I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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