I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
