I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
