I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
