In the future we'll all be gay
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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