her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
