Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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