i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
