i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
