i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
