i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
