I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
