I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
