oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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