Say something about gay babies.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
