opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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