I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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