He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
