i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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