y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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