Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
