Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
