wrigley field is MILF paradise
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
