see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
