Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
