thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
