I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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