I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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