Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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