now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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