my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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