I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize