My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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