Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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