was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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