drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
