A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The uberlube is also flammable
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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