he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
