i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
