Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize