Acid is not a monday night drug
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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