Did you just see the Batmobile???
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
