I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
