awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
