Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
