I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
