i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
