I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
