If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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