That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
