i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
