Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
