You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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