Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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