im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
