I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
