Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
