Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
