Your dad touched me again.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
